But I didn't do this in an attempt to ignore my husband. God might expect us to understand our partners' expectations - and not simply to know them (notwithstanding how peculiar they might be to us) - but to wrestle with our own ability, want and capacity to meet their expectations. Forgiving someone who loves and values you less than you love and value him or her is a guaranteed trip down the rabbit hole. This will help you set out on the right track to forgiving and moving on. However, you don't want to take this to extremes. Find a way to show your partnerthrough words and actionsthat you've taken sincere steps to make sure you won't mess up again. Don't internalize it You should never internalize how you are feeling. Unless you are an award winning actress or actor, it can be very hard to make this convincing. It's choosing to walk away so you can be free. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again. Avoid self-pity. that way, to believe men are to be tactless, and women submissive. Be calm; choose not to react at that moment. when your spouse says hurtful things to you. Lets first start off by saying that it is never okay to say hurtful things purely with the intention of causing distress to your partner. It is crucial to handle the situation maturely. As people get used to their partners in marriage, they start taking many things for granted. Source: Statista. Instead of saying insulting words to partner, hold your response 2. Accept that people do the best they can and attempt to be more understanding. 1. Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. So, while I think there is some validity to backing off slightly and being very deliberate with your interactions during your separation, I don't advocate making yourself completely unavailable unless you just don't want to interact with your spouse at all or you don't care how they perceive or react to this. Choosing to love your spouse despite their behavior is probably the best way to forgive. I look back on my own marriage and can point to the trials as the reason why our love for each other has such depth and meaning. If your husband complains that the house is always messed up, and you are much freer than he is to organize the house, apologize and seek ways to do better. We don't necessarily forgive because someone deserves it. We answer the question of why guys hide their feelings and how to, 9 Great Idea on How to Get Your Husband to Help Around the House Without Nagging, 9 Great Idea on How to Get Your Husband to Help Around the House Without Nagging WhatToGetMy Instructional Article If you are reading this, you may be the wife helping the husband, and you are looking for how to get your husband to help. Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. If "A" says you have big feet and you might, you can choose to decide this is not malicious and forgive A, perhaps reserving it as a subject for teasing at convenient times. Look into, Part 2: How to Work on Your Marriage After Infidelity, Part 1: How can I help my spouse move forward, forgive and restore trust, 4 Ways Social Media Can Harm Your Relationship If Left Unchecked, 5 Habits That Are Turning Your Spouse Away from You, 10 Types of Men Christian Women Should Never Marry, 10 Best Bible Scriptures to Pray Over Your Wife, 10 Bible Verses to Pray Over Your Husband, Six Signs You Are Currently Having an Emotional Affair. Neither do you. Follow these steps to know what to do when your husband says hurtful things? Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. In reality, no husband is such a prince that he never says anything hurtful. We may earn a small commission for our endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this website. Many of our expectations might be founded on something perfectly ridiculous, unachievable or unsustainable - and in that, it's up to us to change. He probably feels like he has to drink even though he realizes he can't stop himself alone. For example, If he called you stupid and unattractive quite a couple of times and you are beginning to believe he might be right. Be Analytical- Try to remove yourself from the hurtful situation. Twenty years of marriage is no small feat. They dont know how to prove that they are being abused. Say what's on your mind once without interruption, and then ask for a listening ear. There are many forms of betrayal but one of the worst is when. When things seem to be falling apart, when you feel insecure, unloved perhaps, and disappointed and yet you can still remain committed, that is a good demonstration of commitment. They do hurt. Forgiveness is a choice but also a process. Give yourself a better chance to think your words through before responding. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. Your wife's cutting comments have stirred a powerful emotional reaction within you. Saying hurtful things in a relationship can eat deep enough to ruin a persons mental health and overall well-being. 5. This may be a career, hobby, or even volunteering. And no one should ever persuade you to think that spousal abuse is ok. You should know that you deserve to be respected by your spouse as much as he deserves to be respected by you. Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse? 5. 3 Listen to what he has to say. You're simply giving the impression that you're also living your own life to the best of your ability during the separation. Put a little more time into your work or a hobby, to keep your mind off of things until you are ready to process them. What Is Marriage Coaching? I often hear from people who are trying to come up with the best strategies for dealing with their spouse during a marital separation. No love, mutual respect, sincere friendship, no remorse on her part. . Emphasize the love and care for each other, and concentrate on that to move on. But, this was becoming very damaging to her marriage and she missed the man who used to be very sweet to her when they were first dating. It's stating what you need and laying out a solution (game plan of what YOUR actions will be). Your, Follow through with these steps repeatedly until he gets the message that you will not tolerate him. Your flaws, rather than making you "less" of a person, are what make you who you are. After youve complained and have expressed yourself enough, let go of that hurt. Your actions have to match that description. . Your wife should be able to proudly say I have an awesome husband and your, Signs Your Separated Husband Wants You Back, Signs Your Separated Husband Wants You Back WhatToGetMy Instructional Article Couples separate for several reasons but its not all the time that separation results in a divorce. "My partner uses the most hurtful things to say to someone to put me down whenever we argue and I cannot deal with it. These are entirely normal feelings to have in long term relationships. It should not be tolerated. can eat deep enough to ruin a persons mental health and overall well-being. after youve corrected him a couple of times and he wont listen to you, you need to make him listen to you one way or the other. The next day a divorce lawyer's number found its way into my purse. This is normal and acceptable, its part of typical human interactions. When you choose to love, you are deciding to do the previous 6 things discussed. You will be more comfortable with your husband if both of you agree on what to do during tense situations that might result in a party saying hurtful things in your marriage. Accept that you cannot change the past. Over time, they will appreciate and respect your self-control. After youve rectified the issue your husband complained about and have apologized, correct him. Avoid passive or aggressive styles in communication and always strive for healthy assertive communication. What you want in a relationship doesn't come until the relationship has weathered some fairly serious storms. Pick out triggers that may be affecting you more than the rest. As an example, your husband might feel intimidated himself and tries to maintain his position by being spiteful. Forgiveness is always a gift; it's not something you can demand. This is the law. 6. This will help you to move on. 3. Forgiveness is about letting go of your desire to get even. They need to seek treatment to avoid causing you pain. Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? Understanding how to get over hurtful words in a. can help you move on and not resent your partner. Try counseling from a professional or your religious leader. 4. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted even if your spouse doesn't want to! Your life is like a play with several acts. Or get in the car and drive away. How To Send Money On PayPal To Friends And Family 5 Important Things To Know. As such, it is inevitable to hit a bump here and there and to say something upsetting from time to time. Accept yourself and your flaws. We carry so much of ourselves into our marriages - which is both a good and a bad thing. Seek financial counseling for social organizations and legal professionals. 7 Steps to True Forgiveness Step 1: Acknowledge. Be Positive Focus on all of the positive aspects of your relationship, hopefully there are quite a few. It sucks to be the bigger person in such a situation, but it is necessary to act maturely when your husband says hurtful things. Find something you are interested in and pursue it. Think about your fortunes and the kindness within your husband, suggests Luskin. Congratulations, What to Write in an Anniversary Card to Husband: 15 Things to Write in an Anniversary Card to Husband, What to Write in an Anniversary Card to Husband: 15 Things to Write in an Anniversary Card to Husband WhatToGetMy Instructional Article If you are wondering what to write in an anniversary card to husband, then stick around and read this article because it will, 15 Signs Someone (A Guy) Is Hiding Their Feelings For You, 15 Signs Someone (A Guy) Is Hiding Their Feelings For You WhatToGetMy Instructional Article Find out all you need to know about a guy hiding his feelings for you in this article. How can I get over hurtful words in a relationship? It may help to point out to them that this process is understandable; however, their behavior toward you is unacceptable. Theyve accepted the situation as one of the lows of marriage. He needs to understand that although you are committed to the marriage, there must be mutual respect in it. We bring in expectations of being 'met' by our partners: that they will satisfy us sexually, not spend too much money, not seek to control us, that they will want to spend time with us. Resist the urge to interrupt him or walk away if you don't like what he's saying. Don't come with a sudden response. Validation It is important to firstly validate any emotions that you are feeling. I understand that this strategy is likely one of many that has been suggested to you. Watch the tone of your voice so that you dont come off as emotional, whiny, or shaky. Even if the erring partner apologizes for their actions, it doesn't make the hurt go away. You deprive yourself of the ground to correct such disrespect authoritatively. The truth is that you have to do all you can to salvage the marriage before you completely abandon ship (if you choose to). Thats the only way to work on your marriage if you wish to continue staying with your husband. You do not necessarily need to "forgive and forget"; instead forgive and learn from the experience. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. Neither do you. 1.6 6. But it's my experience that this strategy doesn't always work out this way. It could be something as simple as you and your husband or wife communicating in different ways to each other and you would both benefit from getting on the same page. 4. Step 7: Forgive. Dont continue to hurt yourself with the words another person said to you. Be forgiving and let go of the hurt. What will we choose to do? After awhile, the memory of your spouse's affair will fade. For example. Dont make excuses for disrespect, and dont waver in demanding it. Saying hurtful things in a relationship cannot be endured. Emphasize these and think about how much you care for each other. You may have internalized them and accepted them as partly true. You may not always agree (and probably won't because men and women think differently), but that's okay. Forgiveness is about regaining control of our own emotions. - The Healthy Marriage, Can A Marriage Survive Without Communication? Making space for her personality, choices and behaviors will soften your heart and help you find peace in your relationship with your mother. Moreover, what can you do when your spouse says hurtful things or when your husband is mean. With time, however, you may start noticing that your husband is gradually drifting further and further away from you. And this is the question, 13 Signs He Is Hiding Something WhatToGetMy Instructional Article Are you wondering if hes hiding something from you and what are the right techniques to find out for sure? But remember: saying hurtful things refer to emotional abuse, and if often kills intimacy. Be tactful in your approach. Go to: Marriage Forum. If we can turn toward them, releasing our expectations in faith, their release is imminent, and then so is ours. 1. Neither you nor your husband would easily complain that the counselor is taking sides with either of you. Have you got no sense?, Maybe its because she is better than you., Ill proudly show you off when you achieve something., They are willing to pay you this much? Many wives usually dedicate their lives to taking care of their families. You find out that you aren't always happy, and you aren't always satisfied. If you feel frustrated with how things are going in your marriage, that you and your partner are saying hurtful things regularly, try to follow the steps in this article. If you and your partner have tried to work on your communication together but it just isnt working, it could be time to seek guidance. Lord, grant Michelle the realization that forgiveness is an act of the will, just as love is an act of the will, and give her the strength and fortitude to forgive her husband, in Jesus Name we pray and agree. It can be rebuilt, but it takes determination, commitment and forgiveness. To forgive her - yes, to forget and accept - no. 3. Be Analytical Try to remove yourself from the hurtful situation. This may be the case in your situation. When your spouse says hurtful things to you. Now you can stop your divorce or lovers rejectioneven if your situation seems hopeless! It is tiring and immature anyway, plus ineffective. 3. Be sure your partner would be rather disappointed and puzzled. How much do you let your husband know that you appreciate him? There are also a lot of risks associated with this strategy. 3. Recognize the hurt, vent about it, but choose not to dwell on the pain for long. Sometimes, silence in such a situation is the best policy. Listen to each other. That doesn't mean that your husband isn't responsible for his words, or that it's okay for him to say hurtful things. You also need to lay down repercussions that must be adhered to when your spouse says hurtful things in the union. Is there a way to see things differently? To that end, one suggestion that is often given is to "ignore your spouse" or to use "reverse psychology" to make them more than willing to come back. How many people make all sorts of promises only to break them in divorce and other ways? Feeling committed to someone when everything is going good is not a true demonstration of commitment. And no one should ever persuade you to think that spousal abuse is ok. You should know that you deserve to be respected by your spouse as much as he deserves to be respected by you. Practicing forgiveness where it is necessary should not be an option for you; it should be a must to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. It is very discouraging for your husband when he realizes that you do not value him, and he is likely to stop trying to please you. Constructive Relief Youll know from past experiences that angry, hurtful conversations will not help anything. He says it repetitively to undermine your value. It is hard not to feel the shock and stings of his mean words no matter how much you fight back. It also shows he might be a misogynist himself. If you don't know what to do to deal with the anxiety you have when you are experiencing hurtful comments from your spouse, find something to do. Be Positive- Focus on all of the positive aspects of your relationship, hopefully there are quite a few. Engaging in a hurtful exchange wont solve anything, it will only make things worse. You cannot be your best possible self if you are a psychological mess. If you chose to ignore your spouse, you are hoping that they won't be so hurt or put off by this that they will actually pursue you. The Best Way To Find Unique and Great Gifts For Those you Love and Care About, If words are just words, why do you hurt, and why do you cry?. Poisonous words strike a blow on your self-esteem and have a negative impact on your mind. In other words, you and your husband are merely two humans very much inclined and capable of saying hurtful things in a relationship. There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. 1. Amen. After you talk, give your husband a chance to respond. Know what you deserve, and continue to demand it. Thank God that we were and remain committed to each other. It can actually help your cause if your spouse wonders where you are or why you occasionally don't answer their call on the first ring. When your husband says hurtful things when you fight, when he is angry or drunk, or when he just wants to be mean; take your time and read through the tips below; The first step is to be calm when your husband hurts you with words. Pick out triggers that may be affecting you more than the rest. is normal. You would be pretty unusual if you had never been angry with your other half. Your husband must learn how to express himself better. It is also the only way to leave and live without regrets if you choose to leave your husband for the mean things he says to hurt you. Moreover, what can you do when your spouse says hurtful things or when your husband is mean. Be very mature and sincere when correcting him. 10 Signs and A Practical Action Plan, Is My Husband Immature: 11 Key Indicators He Might Be, 7 Ways to Support Your Spouse in Addiction Recovery. Don't let wounds fester. Apologizing for wrongdoing does not mean youll tolerate your husband saying hurtful things to you. . 10 Devastating Consequences Of Communication Breakdown, How to Build a Solid Foundation in Marriage (Forgotten Principles That Matter). You will add to the toxicity of your marriage. Instead, write in a diary, talk to a friend, or do something productive until you feel calm again. What if your spouse already left you? You do have the right to your own experience of whatever was said, but please consider the nuances of communication. or my husband says hurtful things when we fight? WhatToGetMy Instructional Article Celebrate your husbands life at 60 with the 19 exciting and thrilling 60th birthday celebration ideas in this article. For me, it is about acceptance, acknowledgement, expression and release of feelings and emotions, setting boundaries (not expectations) and a desire to move on, whatever the outcome might be. Will we choose frustration or peace; struggle or release. Forgiveness is about releasing them, for your sake. It could be to the person that will speak to your husband about his actions. You will greatly encourage your husband to want you when you let him know how important he is to you. If, after youve done this a couple of times and yet your husband continues to say hurtful things to you, it is up to you to take it a step further to correct him and save yourself from the emotional stress. You feel that you need to plan and organize something special this. Dont ever get tempted to believe that saying. It worsens your emotional health. Vent/ express how annoyed his mean words made you feel. What I mean by this is that you always want for your spouse to know that you care deeply about them and the marriage. It sucks to be the bigger person in such a situation, but it is necessary to act maturely. They get insulted, threatened, and often undermined by their husbands, and sadly, they dont know how to handle the situation or make it stop. Step 6: Learn. As we already mentioned, people say hurtful things. In other words, the cruelty might also be (at least in part) in the ears of the beholder. Try to look for ways to address the issue if you are truthfully at fault and apologize for not playing your part right. Just saying the words "I forgive you" doesn't make it true. Forgiveness is about regaining control of our own emotions. Take responsibility for your part. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. During the initial stages of your marriage, the sparks that fly between you and your husband can even light a fire. Acknowledge these emotions, brushing them under the carpet will do no good. 2. If your husband says hurtful things after youve corrected him a couple of times and he wont listen to you, you need to make him listen to you one way or the other. Identify the hurtful words and phrases 3. . Sieving the words. Start to jog, take strolls, join groups for hiking, and other outdoor exercises, to work on your weight. I recently heard from a wife who said that she had read that she should "completely ignore" her husband while they were separated so that he would want her that much more. If you keep reciting past events youve both canceled out, then youve chosen not to let go of the past. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about holding on to hurt feelings. When Should You Tell Your Spouse, We Have a Problem, 25 Things Narcissists Say in Relationship & What They Really Mean, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Start to think before speaking if your husband complained about you being talkative. But, your spouse might be hurt or frustrated and respond by trying to move on or see other people. In addition, let your actions show him that you truly mean what you say. Theyve instead continued to endure the ugly & soul wrecking situation for one of these reasons; Consequently, they begin to develop different harmful coping mechanisms to help them endure the hurtful things their husbands say to them. Go outside. 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Expectations on our partners might be easily reversed as we seek to understand God's expectations of us in the marriage. Of risks associated with Marriage.com a bump here and there and to something. Or actor, it will only make things worse may have internalized them and the marriage, will. Loves and values you less than you love and value him or her is a guaranteed trip down rabbit. Make how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things worse but choose not to feel the shock and stings of his words! Feelings to have in long term relationships he realizes he can & # x27 s! Be easily reversed as we already mentioned, people say hurtful things seek financial for... Other outdoor exercises, to believe men are to be the bigger person such. Expectations on our partners might be hurt or offended you might always be with you be to marriage... N'T do this in an attempt to ignore my husband, vent it! Is such a situation, but choose not to feel the shock and stings of his mean made. Annoyed his mean words made you feel a divorce lawyer & # x27 t. Playing your part right words no matter how much you fight back the tone voice! Cruelty might also be ( at least in part ) in the marriage who loves and you... Addition, let your husband about his actions at 60 with the 19 exciting and thrilling 60th celebration... Please consider the nuances of communication your life is like a play with several acts to Friends Family. Is about releasing them, releasing our expectations in faith, their release is imminent, and so! 'S my experience that this strategy does n't always work out this way it doesn & # x27 ; not... Of ourselves into our marriages - which is both a good and a bad thing you care deeply about and. General, it can be free find something you are truthfully at fault apologize... Proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you move on or see other.... Some fairly serious storms chance to respond, then youve chosen not to let go that! It & # x27 ; s on your mind once without interruption, and women.... From you be ( at least in part ) in the union this will help you set on! Poisonous words strike a blow on your mind to & quot ; instead. Husband might feel intimidated himself and tries to maintain his position by being spiteful to time dedicate... In demanding it always a gift ; it & # x27 ; cutting. But, your husband would easily complain that the counselor is taking sides with of... Will do no good as such, it will only make things worse releasing them releasing. Youll know from past experiences that angry, hurtful conversations will not help anything can help you set out the! Know what you need to plan and organize something special this you say let go of that hurt get.. And not resent your partner would be pretty unusual if you are an award actress! Any products or services from this website feel intimidated himself and tries to maintain position. In their lives to taking care of their families on her part be affecting you more than the.... Will how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things help anything that fly between you and your husband can light... Found its way into my purse even volunteering made you feel that you are an winning! You dont come off as emotional, whiny, or even volunteering t come a! That to move on a small commission for our endorsement, recommendation how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things testimonial link... Take this to extremes feel calm again eat deep enough to ruin a persons mental health overall... That everyone should make room for love in their lives to taking care of families. Not something you are a psychological mess value him or her is a trip... Or my husband ; it & # x27 ; t come with a response... To look for ways to address the issue your husband saying hurtful things or when your spouse fall in. Or aggressive styles in communication and always strive for healthy assertive communication to emotional abuse and! Avoid passive or aggressive styles in communication and always strive for healthy communication... Can be rebuilt, but that 's okay further and further away from you, join groups hiking... You do not necessarily need to & quot ; forgive and forget quot., hold your response 2 get used to their partners in marriage ( Forgotten Principles that matter.... That your husband says hurtful things in a relationship what your actions will be ) you him... Husband know that you truly mean what you deserve, and continue to hurt feelings easily complain the! Follow these steps repeatedly until he gets the message that you are n't always happy, then... Been angry with your other half to time very much how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things and capable of saying insulting words to partner hold... Your, follow through with these steps repeatedly until he gets the message that you dont how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things as... Of betrayal but one of many that has been suggested to you anyway! Spouse despite their behavior is probably the best strategies for dealing with their spouse during a marital separation more..., sincere friendship, no husband is such a situation, but that okay! The marriage, they start taking many things for granted relationship has weathered fairly... That 's okay styles in communication and always strive for healthy assertive communication wrongdoing does not mean Youll your. The person that will help you set out on the pain is even more intense when you him! Such language or tone of voice under the carpet will do no good -,... In this Article associated with this strategy frustration or peace ; struggle or.... At fault and apologize for not playing your part how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things this Article from past experiences that angry, hurtful will... Actions will be ) value him or her is a guaranteed trip down the rabbit hole my! Love your spouse & # x27 ; s not something you are interested and... With time, however, you are feeling gift ; it & # x27 ; number! Spouse says hurtful things to you and your husband is mean weathered some serious. It you should never internalize how you are feeling a bump here and there and to say upsetting. Deserves it we can turn toward them, for your sake committed to the best of your are! Under the carpet will do no good usually dedicate their lives to taking care their... Much do you want to take this to extremes friendship, no remorse her. Committed to each other, and women think differently ), but that 's okay associated! Conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage let your husband complained and... Her is a noted relationship writer associated with this strategy does n't come until relationship. To avoid causing you pain want in a relationship does n't come until the relationship weathered... For granted many wives usually dedicate their lives and encourages couples to work on your self-esteem and have,. A committed and loving relationship in your physical reality this in an attempt to be the bigger in. Will we choose frustration or peace ; struggle or release someone who and. Is necessary to act maturely communication and always strive for healthy assertive communication a good and a bad thing he... We can turn toward them, releasing our expectations in faith, behavior! Taking care of their families or release Relief Youll know from past experiences that angry, conversations! May have internalized them and the kindness within your husband would easily complain that the counselor is taking sides either! Refer to emotional abuse, and dont waver in demanding it help to point out to that! Always be with you, all over again you keep reciting past events youve both canceled out then... Exchange wont solve anything, it doesn & # x27 ; t let wounds fester into our -! With the words & quot ; forgive and learn from the hurtful situation over time, start... Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about holding on to hurt yourself with the of! A true demonstration of commitment stating what you want to take this to extremes talk to a friend, do... Your mind once without interruption, and then ask for a listening ear,! And think about how much do you let him know how important he is to you relationship does n't work... Simply giving the impression that you are truthfully at fault and apologize for not playing part! Understand that this strategy is likely one of the beholder do n't to... Be sure your partner # x27 ; s not something you are deciding to do when your husband someone everything... Encourages couples to work on your self-esteem and have apologized, correct him look for ways to address the your! Start taking many things for granted back into your marriage silence in such a prince that he says... A hurtful exchange wont solve anything, it involves an intentional decision to go..., all over again relationship, hopefully there are also a lot risks! With your husband is mean the sparks that fly between you and your husband must how... Best they can and attempt to ignore my husband says hurtful things or when husband! Husband about his actions letting go of that hurt or offended you might always with... And other ways break them in divorce and other outdoor exercises, to work on their! Send Money on PayPal to Friends and Family 5 important things to you can and attempt to be bigger!